Six Tips to Improve Emotional Intelligence

Our families are essential to most of us. We know that they love and support us, and we do the same for them. Of course, those connected to us by blood are family. However, those we come to love through our work or other affiliations may, at times, be included. Nevertheless, we consider these people in our family structure special. They are our supporters, allies, and confidants. Whenever this group misunderstands us, we may feel estranged at a higher level than we would with strangers. To experience a high degree of harmony within the family structure, we must sharpen our emotional intelligence quotient (EQ). What is EQ? EQ is defined as "the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.'

How do you demonstrate EQ? It is seen in your adeptness to know when and how to apply empathy and being attuned to the needs of others. It is also clearly evident in how you respond to them. EQ is a critical component and factor of how well a relationship thrives. It requires a keen sense of self-awareness. You must know what you will and will not be comfortable doing. Therefore, learn to get comfortable setting and reinforcing boundaries. Please note: it may take you a while before you stop feeling guilty about it. Boundaries will prevent you from being manipulated or blaming the conflict on others. Use caution and be observant when others use their emotions to get their way. Be intentional and have open and honest conversations, even when it is difficult. Create an environment where everyone feels safe expressing their feelings – confident that there will be no repercussions or interruption. Encourage them to use " I feel.. statements.": Personalized I feel starters silences the blame game, remove barriers, and help the dialogue stay positive and not become accusatory. It is a good idea to plan regular family meetings. These meetings create opportunities to share emotional needs, wishes, and worries. Be sure to set the rules for speaking in advance to guarantee that members and can talk uninterruptedly. You can select an inanimate object to hold. And while the member has that object in their hand, they cannot be interrupted. When they finish, they simply pass it on to the next speaker. Was it in the Lord of the Flies, where they passed the Conch? Anyway, you have the idea.

Here are some tips for Improving Your EQ

1. Do not neglect your health. Women are at the center of the family structure. The demands of this position can be exhausting. Make an effort to get an adequate amount of rest and plan to incorporate some exercise into your day. Proper nutrition is also essential to operate optimally. When you take care of yourself, you can better care for your family.

2. Know that excellent communication is more than being heard. It is active listening and an acute awareness of body gestures, tone, and overall delivery that may be incongruent with what is being said. Incongruence confuses.

3. Model stable emotional behavior at all times, show respect and integrity. Show empathy for the concerns others express. Their perception of a situation may not reflect what is true but feelings are genuine and must be acknowledged.

4. Remember, you are not the official "Problem-Solver." Just because you love them and are knowledgeableble does not deem you the fixer of all things. That role carries too much weight. Additionally, you do them a disservice when you fail to allow them to develop into confident, independent thinkers and decision-makers. Of course, continue to advise, guide and coach them along the way but give them room to grow. Help them discover their strengths and encourage them to ask for help on their journey.

5. Accept the fact that you are imperfect and embrace your mistakes as learning opportunities. Be transparent and don’t try to hide them. Those closest to you will know when you err. Own it. Apologize when necessary, is ok. Be gracious and forgive yourself. Then, simply move on. Unfortunately, some folk refuse to assume responsibility of their mistakes. Their denial or dismissal of that fact indicates a lack of social integrity and can cause lasting mistrust or create a division within the relationship.

6. Finally, be extremely generous in expressing love. Everyone (especially young children) need the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, looks and other acts of affection. Don’t be fooled sometimes those who demand the least amount attention may need it the most. Keep a watchful eye out for that.